So in this video we are no fast approaching the end of section four of the course and you'll hopefully
be also glad to hear that pretty much all the tough really self reflective stuff is just a bit over
now.
All right.
We wanted to get all the tough stuff out the way first and foremost.
So all the rest of the sections are just going to seem quite practical here as a new aspiring life coach
would like to share with you a really interesting story and this is an experience that I had recently
actually with a man who I was coaching that this man was.
He was the CEO of a top software company here in the United Kingdom.
And this guy here he manages a budget of something like 250 million each year he's got hundreds and
hundreds of different employees under him.
Many of them have hundreds of employees under them.
And what you could say is the man is passionate about software.
He loves all things technical when web development is a bit of a geek to be honest with you.
But he loves this stuff.
Right.
There's no real job that he would rather be doing.
But he came to me for life coaching.
He came to me and he said Cain.
I feel like of like I'm like I'm kind of stuck between a bit of a rock and a hard place.
I got I like my role.
I love what I do.
But I kind of feel like I've had a bit of a glass ceiling it's like you know I feel like I should be
doing something.
I feel like like I should be moving up or going somewhere but there's nowhere for me to go on the see
you I'm the top of the food chain and the Sunni he said to me a glass ceiling.
I knew exactly what he meant.
All right.
I've been here before having to work with a couple of CEOs and high flyers and industry leaders over
the years.
I knew what his issue was and it reminded me of that good enough principle.
So as the conversation unfolded I asked him to give me a little bit of his backstory to tell me what
it was that had really driven him to get to where he was today because the guy was highly driven very
proactive man.
And he said that he'd gotten into software development around about 20 25 years ago pretty much the
same sort of time the start of the Internet.
All right.
I think he used to dabble in making some of the old computer games for like the Commodore 64 and stuff
like this so the guy was quite considerably older than me.
And he said when the Internet start opening up it just opened up for me a whole world of opportunity.
And he had worked with a guy who'd worked with Bill Gates and all this kind of thing.
And he said that here in the UK he just saw opportunity everywhere.
So he ended up plugging in and working with this new startup software company.
And he just worked hard.
He just done his best every day when he when he got there and one day his manager came along and and
or took him for a coffee and said listen I'm very very impressed with the caliber of work.
I was wondering if you would like a promotion.
And he was about sort of 19 years old by now.
And he said promotion.
Absolutely.
Does it come with a pay rise.
He got his pay rise cause promotion and I asked him to just stop there for a second and reflect upon
upon what this actually meant from the actual experience.
And he said Well the first time I got promoted it was kind of like really validating.
He said that he hadn't really done so well when his school exams and he didn't really want to go and
get one of the conventional jobs that many of his friends were getting at the time.
So when he got his first promotion it was like a real sense of personal validation kind of like he was
on the right path.
Kind of like he'd made the right decision.
Kind of like he was really starting to move forward and progress in life.
So from there he said it was about three or four years later the software company he was working for
ended up getting bought out by another larger software company so big fish eat little fish and know
that one of the directors of the big fish company approached them and said Yes you know we would like
to and you know enter into a new contract with you and have you to come across and manage this whole
team if you will and to do that manages small division that we have going on.
So from there no he was absolutely overjoyed.
He went for it again and I asked him sorts of what did this kind of promotion been been hand-picked
like this.
What did this give you.
And he said Well again it was kind of like this personal validation.
It was kind of like I was you know I was I was good enough to get picked.
There was lots of people who didn't get picked who got left behind but they kept on choosing me.
And then he went on to pretty much give me their Ludo and should own off the next 15 years.
And he said that he got promoted after promoted and then there was another marriage or another company
buyout and brought into today where he was pretty much the head of the food chain and assets in all
four.
Was it that really drove you to remain committed to this industry and he said because it keeps on getting
picked.
Then I kept on picking me.
Kept on choosing me.
It was like I was there was always room to to move up and grow and develop and every time I got pegged
it was like a like a little personal when a personal success and I said that's that's actually fantastic.
So let's come back to this glass ceiling though you know how does this glass ceiling relate to the role
or the rank that you're currently fulfilling.
I said Oh oh the glass ceiling.
There's nowhere else for me to go.
I can't get promoted anymore.
I said that's fantastic.
So what does this mean about you.
Ah he sighed and his head went down and I said respond to me quickly quickly right now.
Tell me what this means.
And he said ah ha I don't I don't feel like I've like I've got there yet I don't feel like I've like
I've really fulfilled my full potential.
I really don't feel like her like I've stretched myself enough yet.
And I said I don't feel like you've stretched yourself enough or you don't feel like you like you are
enough on a fully grown man.
Tears came to his eye and he said oh maybe there's something in that.
Maybe there's something in that.
It's kind of like I've always been driven by moving up the food chain and there's nowhere else to go.
Maybe this is my glass ceiling and as the coaching sessions unfolded I ended up looking at his limits
and beliefs and we'll look to how he processes his thoughts and his day three events and when I took
him through the core identity coaching model.
It was kind of like this veil lifted from his eyes and he said it's kind of like for the first time
of my life I can see.
I said That's great.
What can you see.
And he said I have been working the last 30 years just for approval for other people.
And I said why is it that you would commit pretty much 30 years your life to getting approved off by
other people.
And he said because I never fundamentally just approved of myself or interested I'm sure there's gonna
be some people watching this video right now who can relate on some level.
So this is a good enough principle all right.
This gives us a little bit of context.
There's gonna be one of two ways of looking at life one of two foundations we're going to be basing
our lives upon on the idea that we are enough who we are as a face we're not perfect we are imperfect
but we're fundamentally good enough or we're going to be boating and basing our life upon this idea
this notion is belief that who we are is not good enough.
All right.
No I want to show you what tends to happen when we're boating and basing our life upon this bad boy.
This this idea here when we generally don't feel like we are suffice or enough within ourselves it's
more often than not because we haven't yet to find ourselves or taken full ownership of who we actually
are at the core.
But it leads us in this you know this place in life where we end up looking to other people for validation
for approval we want to when we want to succeed we want to achieve and is kind of like we can sometimes
end up desperately just trying to get the stage in life where we're gonna feel like we're where they
are kind of like we're good enough.
Kind of like we've we've done enough.
We have made it kind of like we are okay in this place.
And if you've ever heard a person say when I get there life will be better when when I get there once
I've accomplished this life will be better when I have accomplished that.
Once I have done this life will be better once I've done this.
What they're talking about is for the you know unconsciously things they're going to get once they've
accomplished this thing or once they have reached the stage of life.
If you think about it what is it that we all secretly want pretty much more than anything else in life.
We want to be approved off we want to be unconditionally accepted.
We want to be known for who we actually are.
And isn't it just the case that many of us try on so many levels to Aaron our acceptance to Aaron being
approved off and unfortunately many people learn this in the family home.
When parents say if you tidy your room you know I'll be proud of you.
You know if you get good school results I'll be happy with you.
I just know the parents are bad.
They're just doing the best they can.
But more often than not.
Sometimes doing more damage than good.
I know I certainly experienced this growing up in my own family home as I was you know commonly compared
to my little sister.
All right imagine what that does for a young man's confidence when he's told by his parents that you
know your sister gets better school grades than you.
Right.
You haven't quite made the grade this year.
All right.
Hopefully next year you'll be good enough.
And then we have a few more failures and a few more let downs in life.
And these are the stories that we tell ourselves.
We're talking about limiting beliefs here that we're not good enough we're not smart enough we're not
skilled enough we're not articulate enough we're not good looking enough.
Have you ever wondered why it is that some people refuse to grow old gracefully.
Look at some of the glamour models of supermodels and movie stars.
All right I shall name no names and they are getting old.
They're in their 40s or the 50s or the 60s something even in the 70s.
A new you can just see that the skin is like grass totally stretched and letters are kind of I hear
and they've had all sorts of physical enhancements made in the physical bodies.
Why.
Because they're getting older and they're petrified of not being good looking enough anymore.
On who the wear or look in how they used to look back in the heyday and them.
This is a trap that many people fall into in life and this is very much to do with what we believe about
ourselves.
We are either enough and suffice within ourselves which is something we will be seen once we have made
peace with ourselves and our flaws and imperfections.
But when we haven't.
All right we're going to nine times out of ten and struggle to believe that we're ever going to make
the grade.
And this is where many people would say that that it feels like they've come up against a glass ceiling
in life.
There's something that's stopping them from again from where they are to where they want to be but they
just don't know what it is.
All right.
And it's not like there actually is anything tangible tangible or actual holding them back is just a
limiting belief.
Kind of like the noose that the elephant has around its neck that keeps it attached to the peg.
We know when the little white elephant becomes big elephant we know it's physically strong enough to
break free from the pack but it doesn't think that it is therefore it don't move.
All right.
And the same kind of applies here when we feel or believe that we're not good enough or not enough or
not suffice in some aspect of life of course because we want to be approved often love them unconditionally
accepted we are going to do everything within our power right to fundamentally get approved.
So what I want to suggest is that you know working from the bottom up coming from this place of not
being suffice not being adequate not being enough it leaves us in its place of striving where you know
some people will end up in jobs that the hate for a lifetime.
Some people will remain in jobs that they enjoy or love but perhaps might not even or not quite might
be the main thing they might love the job that they're doing but they might not be passionate about
it you know.
So what I'm saying is and that is very very difficult to find the personal freedom and liberation that
we really want in life when operating out of a limiting belief of this nature.
All right.
But no see what happens when we start operating.
I would say off our core identity no.
OK.
So I am a loving person I'm caring I'm giving I'm generous I'm integral I'm sincere I'm passionate I'm
creative I am giving him all of these things and a hell of a lot more.
Am I perfect.
Lee being these things all of the time.
No I'm not.
I'm imperfectly being all these things all of the time which therefore then means that I have room and
space to grow and become better and look at the difference here.
All right.
One attitudes and one outlook on life is we're striving to just reach this place of being good enough.
And what happens when we fail or when we fail when we don't reach his benchmark of being good enough
or being accepted.
This just validates this limiting unhelpful belief that we have that we're not good enough in this Hearts
book when we're standing on a good enough line.
Who I Am is suffice.
There's no one in the world who can add anything to me or take anything away from who I am because who
I am is a constant.
I can only grow I can't become the less caring I can't become less giving I can't become less generous
or lessened Tagore I might forget to be loving or giving our integral sometimes because I'm imperfect
but I sure as hell aren't going to beat myself up for that kind of stuff.
All right.
Because it's who I am.
Nothing can be taken away from me on this level assessors free every single day just to simply be better
all right.
And just take a few moments to consider the opportunity that this presents to you and for you.
What does this mean for you.
Could you imagine living at the rest of your days not worrying about whether you're going to meet the
grade or not anymore but instead just having a set of foundations underneath your feet that simply mean
no one can take anything away from who you are even if you fail.
Even if you fall flat in your face doesn't mean anything about who you are.
It might mean that you need to develop some skills or you might to improve or increase or enhance yourself
in some areas but you certainly do need to change anything about who you are because who you are is
a constant.
And when we're operating from this place from this mindset in life we do become free and liberated and
we're thinking just to simply choose to commit to a lifestyle of being better rather than trying to
be good enough.
This is a good enough principle all right.
Wrestle with this one try it on.
All right.
See if you can identify the foundations that you've historically been building you only phone.
Are you grounded in.
I'm not enough desperately trying to be better.
Or have you been grounded.
And I am enough.
And I'm just choosing to be better because one comes with a whole load of stress and tension and angst
and the other one just comes to the whole of inner peace and and all the other things like that.
So that's not good enough is just enough.
It certainly doesn't have to be perfect.
Listen there is workbook that we've created that we've built into the additional material section of
this lecture going to RGA to download a printed off spend five to 10 minutes working through it and
I'll look forward to seeing you again and the next clip.